She complains we don't have enough money. She says I should earn more, so she can employ a maid to help her at home.
I work full time, and I am also building up a side practice in a field related to my work, both of which will easily coexist.
She stays home and looks after 2 kids, 2 years and 6 years old.
When I get home from work, I am expected to take over - tidy up after kids, put them to bed etc. She does stuff too, she'll have cooked etc, but I'll be up and at it till 9pm, at least. Weekends I'm expected to do my 'half' too, and most Saturdays she takes her 'time off', and goes out running/shopping/whatever, while I stay with the kids - I don't get any time for myself like that.
So, I work, I help at home.
Problem is, I earn about $100k at my day job, I earn about another $30k doing my own thing, which I reckon will top out at about $50k in the next year or so. It's not that bad.
Now wife keeps calling me during the day, saying I should leave early because she's tired / feeling ill / some other bullsh-t excuse.
So . . . if you've read this far, here's how I see it.
I have my job, she has hers.
I am expected to help her with her job.
She does not help me with mine.
She says I should earn MORE, so she can work less.
At the same time, she says I should work less, so I can creep out early / take days off to help her.
Am I unreasonable to think she's being a whiny lazy c-nt?
Serious question. Gotta go for 10 mins, but will see any answers when I get back.
Posted 1/5/2012 1:46 pm
She's probably just bored. Being a housewife in the modern age is not a job, it's barely even a hobby. If there's anything left for you to do when you get home, then she must have spent the whole day sitting on her ass watching TV. After you load the washing machine, load the dish washer, and tidy up, WTF else is there to do? Biggest problem facing housewives is boredom. The rest of this sh-t they invent in their minds to alleviate said boredom. Tell her to get a part-time job.
I have. She says looking after the kids, especially the young one who isn't at school yet, is full time. I;ve also suggested she get a hobby.
I don't have a problem with her not working, we are not rich, but we're comfortable, and being a full time Mom is good for the kids. We don;t need a second income, although hiring a miad would make a difference to us finacially.
I just think her trying to chip away at the division of responsibilities is a slippery slope. I have to work, why the f-ck should she be different?
It's not like she couldn't get a job. Although she has been out of the employment market for nearly 10 years, she has 2 degrees, one in law - it wouldn't be impossible for her to earn enough to pay childcare and get out of the house.
Posted 1/5/2012 1:58 pm
looks like she should never had babies in the first place, how about getting the MIL to move in and help with her responsibilities?
To be completely honest, that being the cut down version of it, my first thought is to wonder how big the checks would be . . . but the kids . . . what to do . . . :(
Not going to rehash the whole thing here. Divorce sucks and it's bad for the kids, so fix this if you can.
In the meantime...prepare. I got ambushed. You gotta be ready. Your wife could be six steps ahead of you already (women think that way and discuss it with other women).
Posted 1/5/2012 2:07 pm
This thread will go on and on forever. Your situation is like millions of others.
She places the importance of what she does far above that of what you do. As a result, you are the one who can more easily work more hours, leave in the middle of the day, you should have energy at the end of the day to do more stuff, you should have the energy to watch the kids while she has fun days, etc. Your job is simply inconsequential to hers.
She is at home going crazy with two kids. No adult interaction at all, or at least anywhere near the level you get even with boring co-workers. It's cleaning up spit and snot all day. It's hell unless she is a true mothering type
Basically offer to cut back at work so you can help out with more childcare duties. Actually don't even offer; the discussion should be focused around what areas you guys will cut back in to either fund a housecleaner/nanny, or enable you to take more time off of work. You can't work more, and she wants you to work less anyway.
When I went through this years ago, the discussion was basically: With the time I'm having to take away from work, combined with the exhaustion I'm bringing to the office because I'm serving double-duty, I was put on notice that my performance is suffering and I am at risk of being let go. I know you've been wanting more more more, but in light of what I was told today we should discuss how we'd completely cut back during an unemployment time because that time is growing near, I'm afraid. We then re-visited every aspect of our childcare/work arrangement, realized there were things she could truly do without. I obviously kept my job (was never at risk of losing it), but her perspective was different after that because she had already acknowledged she had more than she needed, in terms of time+stuff+freedom. She also realized that pushing me for 115% was actually risking the basic 100%, all of it.
In fact I tend to ignore the requests to take time off, leave early, so that might not fit exactly, but it's a solid post, and appreciated. Will bear it all in mind.
But in all seriousness: My success with interacting with women, and dating (prior to marriage), and marriage, improved 100x when a very prominent doctor pointed out to me that all people, women far more than most are simply children with unresolved issues living in grown-up adult bodies. Respect, love, cherish your girlfriend, mate, wife, female wo-workers, sisters, whatever; but at the core realize you are actually dealing with small children. No, don't go so far as to take the psychopath route and view them all as soulless automata, but: They are just immature children who want to be heard and held like all other children.
When you finally reach that realization, your entire perception, interaction, understanding, expectation, even patience levels change dramatically when dealing with them. You learn the importance of guiding them, showing empathy, giving them a boo-hoo shoulder to cry on, controlling their behaviors with contracts and prenupts, realizing why they fill your ear with silly gossip as soon as you step in the door, realizing why they are driven to create drama and seek out both positive and negative attention, etc. Don't sink to their level, or ever forget you are fundamentally dealing with a child. A child who is perhaps raising other children, but a child nonetheless.
I am very happy in all of my dealings and relationships with women since reaching this realization many years ago. It is truly awesome.
I think you WOULD need to see them as soul-less automata for that to work.
My wife is a smart girl. At BEST, if I started thinking of her as an overgrown child, and treat her accordingly, she'd instantly turn into a raging harpie.
Historically she has never feared using her temper as a weapon. Your idea wouldn't get out of the starters block. She's a spoilt brat, unfortunately.
what kind of manipulation??? 
